Once upon a time...
Starting over was not easy. My heart ached as I fought my sadness but kept up my spirits for Scout. Our talks at the end of the day was a way for us to connect and enjoy each other's company. Earlier in the day, I felt like I would never feel hopeful or happy. It followed me all day and I wanted to shake that feeling. There had to be a way for me to find hope, to feel excitement...to fill my heart again. When I got back, Scout and I took our places on the carpet and chatted away. I knew there had to be something to look forward to so I asked Scout, "Where do you want to go when you graduate from high school? Pick something so crazy that it would be amazing when we make it!".
She said,"Paris. I want to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris."
I told her, "Let's get crazier. Let's go for New Year's Eve. We'll celebrate in Paris for New Year's Eve. You'll be in college and we can go wherever we want!".
The plan for Our Little Trip was born.
At that time (and many times in between), I had no idea how we were going to get there, but I knew that we were going to get there somehow. It was a goal that was so far away, but we talked about it every year: what we were going to see, what we'd wear, how fun it would be. We would go to the bookstore and camp out for hours over our warm beverages (she had cocoa and I had coffee) and mound of books. Really.. who am I kidding, this was a weekly visit to the bookstore, but once a year, we'd have books about Paris.
Scout and I had many adventures near and far. Sometimes we were together. Sometimes we were apart when she was visiting her father. In all of those times, she knew that she was always my first choice. I was fortunate enough to get to Paris a few years back, but without Scout.
On this day, the morning we leave for our epic trip, I am a ball of so many emotions. I've been stressed out, angry, happy, grateful, sad, amazed and just...overwhelmed. I knew that this day would eventually come and these feelings would manifest themselves in too many random ways.
Currently, my warm blanket has been the way I've tried to hide myself from the inevitable: my little girl is no longer little. The Kindergarten innocence that once blinked its wide, brown eyes at me has been replaced with an 18 year old, college freshman who enjoys sleeping and watching movies.
I'm packed and ready to go, but knowing this trip is coming means... this is it.
This. Is. It.
Every moment of our planning is coming to this.
She said,"Paris. I want to see the Eiffel Tower in Paris."
I told her, "Let's get crazier. Let's go for New Year's Eve. We'll celebrate in Paris for New Year's Eve. You'll be in college and we can go wherever we want!".
The plan for Our Little Trip was born.
At that time (and many times in between), I had no idea how we were going to get there, but I knew that we were going to get there somehow. It was a goal that was so far away, but we talked about it every year: what we were going to see, what we'd wear, how fun it would be. We would go to the bookstore and camp out for hours over our warm beverages (she had cocoa and I had coffee) and mound of books. Really.. who am I kidding, this was a weekly visit to the bookstore, but once a year, we'd have books about Paris.
Scout and I had many adventures near and far. Sometimes we were together. Sometimes we were apart when she was visiting her father. In all of those times, she knew that she was always my first choice. I was fortunate enough to get to Paris a few years back, but without Scout.
On this day, the morning we leave for our epic trip, I am a ball of so many emotions. I've been stressed out, angry, happy, grateful, sad, amazed and just...overwhelmed. I knew that this day would eventually come and these feelings would manifest themselves in too many random ways.
Currently, my warm blanket has been the way I've tried to hide myself from the inevitable: my little girl is no longer little. The Kindergarten innocence that once blinked its wide, brown eyes at me has been replaced with an 18 year old, college freshman who enjoys sleeping and watching movies.
I'm packed and ready to go, but knowing this trip is coming means... this is it.
This. Is. It.
Every moment of our planning is coming to this.
Wings up, friends. Scout and I are ready to fly!
Xoxo
Emma
